Misty Blue

Hi Journal,

I know it's been a while since I've written in these pages and honestly, I've paid a heavy price for the absence.  My whole world has changed and I'm feeling like a different woman more and more everyday. I am becoming so carefree and bold. Just yesterday I saw an old friend at the grocery store and she didn't recognize me.  It seems as though even my face and skin have changed...

I really wanted to vent about Aletha.  I can't believe she would just blatently lie in front of her boss.  She tried to make it seem like they weren't fooling around but, I know the sex face when I see it. I've obviously been a fool to believe that she only wanted to be with me.  I just assumed that she was taking as big of an emotional risk as I was.  Maybe she's emotionally bankrupt.  It's been three weeks and she and I have still not talked about the situation that occured in her office that day.  I guess I just don't want to know what is really going on.  I've hinged all my hopes and desires on this relationship and if it fails, I just don't think I would make it.

I stopped by my homeboy's house and smoked a blunt with him.  It felt good to just get high and allow myself to feel nothing for a while.  He and I talked about school and what our future plans were.  He's going to Nigeria to work with the AIDS Elimination program. I told him I was proud of him and he started teasing me about being a Black vetrenarian and then...we kissed.  I didn't feel bad either.  I started taking off my clothes and I had sex with him like I had never been taught the meaning of modesty.  When it was over...I just put on my clothes and we started smoking again.  Misty Blue was playing on the radio and I couldn't help but think that, that's how my life is right now...misty blue.

Until next time...
Peyton

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